How to Fall Asleep Faster (Without Being Hit Over the Head)

The average person takes about 15 minutes to fall asleep. If you are reading this, you are almost certainly not the average person. You are probably someone who lies in bed for 40 minutes thinking about something embarrassing you said in 2014, and you would very much like that to stop.

Good news. There are techniques that genuinely work, and none of them involve counting sheep (which has been scientifically tested and found to be utterly useless).

Why Can't You Just Fall Asleep When You're Tired?

Because your brain has a security system, and it is far too sensitive. In evolutionary terms, falling asleep instantly would have been a good way to get eaten. So your brain runs a checklist before it lets you lose consciousness. Is the environment safe? Are there any unresolved threats? Did you remember to reply to that email?

The problem is that modern "threats" are not sabre-toothed tigers. They are mortgage payments and unanswered text messages. Your brain cannot tell the difference, and it responds to both by keeping you aggressively awake.

Does the "Military Method" Actually Work?

The military sleep method was reportedly developed to help soldiers fall asleep in combat zones. If it works in a foxhole, it can probably work in your bedroom (which, unless your decorating has gone very wrong, is considerably less threatening).

Here is the method. Relax your face, including your jaw and the muscles around your eyes. Drop your shoulders and let your arms go limp. Exhale and relax your chest. Then relax your legs, from thighs to feet. Finally, spend ten seconds clearing your mind by imagining a calm scene, like lying in a canoe on a still lake. Or lying in a velvet hammock in a pitch-black room. Or just repeating "don't think" for ten seconds.

With practice, this supposedly works within two minutes. Without practice, it works within about ten. Either way, it beats staring at the ceiling and reviewing your life choices.

What About Breathing Exercises?

The 4-7-8 method is the one with actual research behind it. Breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale slowly through your mouth for 8. Repeat three or four times.

This works because the extended exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part responsible for calming you down. It is essentially a manual override for your brain's panic settings. The counting also occupies just enough mental bandwidth to stop you thinking about that email.

What Should Your Bedroom Actually Be Like?

Cold, dark, and boring. Ideal sleeping temperature is between 15 and 19 degrees Celsius (60 to 67 Fahrenheit). Your brain needs to drop its core temperature to initiate sleep, so a warm room works against you.

Total darkness matters more than you think. Even small amounts of light (your phone charger LED, a streetlight through thin curtains) can interfere with melatonin production. Get blackout curtains. Put tape over any glowing electronics. Become the sort of person who sleeps in a cave. You will feel silly. You will also sleep better.

Noise should be consistent or absent. A fan or white noise machine is fine. A neighbour who plays drums at irregular intervals is not. Science has no solution for the second one, though strongly worded letters remain an option.